This is a personal piece. Please be trigger aware when reading.
Guilt is something I feel a lot of. It is an emotion that quite often threatens to overwhelm me and often makes simple acts of self care hard. It is an emotion I think is quite common in people who have a mental illness. Here my plan is to explore some of the things that lead to my guilt.
I feel guilty for a number of reasons. One of which is that I am currently unable to work due to my mental illnesses. This is hard for me to deal with as I constantly feel like a burden to those around me. I have worked while I studied and for a few years after I qualified but now the impact of my mental health means this just isn’t an option currently. I hope it will change but I just can not support myself and the guilt is horrendous. It leads to, at times, a worsening of my mental health because I just feel so negatively about myself. Guilt has a huge impact on me.
Another reason I feel guilty is because I am currently using self harm to cope. I know how much this upsets people around me yet at the moment I can not see how I can function without it and this makes me feel incredibly guilty. I hate that I am upsetting people and letting them down. I am also a lot harder to deal with and this makes the guilty feelings sky rocket. Again I feel a burden to those around me.
I feel guilty for the care I require from a stretched NHS. At the moment I am having input from at least three mental health professionals as well as doctors for my physical health. I feel I am a drain on resources and unworthy of care. I feel guilty to the point it physically hurts.
All these things I feel guilty for are not my fault. Yet guilt prevails and quite often wins as the strongest emotion I feel. If anyone else said they felt guilty for these reasons I would tell them that they have no reason to feel guilty, that they are not a burden, that this is not their fault and they are worthy of care. But for me this feels impossible.
I have no tips on how to deal with this overwhelming feeling. All I can say is that if you feel guilt for similar reasons you have no reason too. But I know this won’t always help. I have friends who tell me the same, yet still guilt overtakes me. I think this is just something I will have to learn to battle. If you have any tips on conquering guilt please share them. And remember you are not alone.
I thought it would be useful for this site to have some useful websites as well as some of interest. For that reason this post will probably be updated and changed as and when I find some good sites.
The first site I have for you is the Facebook Page for this blog. www.facebook.com/MeandMyMentalHealthMatters This Page is for updates to the blog, along with some cool pictures and quotes and any interesting articles or pieces of news. If you like the Blog go and give us a like on Facebook.
Another useful website is www.mind.org.uk which is the website for the charity Mind. They do lots of good work in the UK, campaigning for different issues related to mental health. They also have a blog on their site, which I have contributed to in the past, and I know they welcome would be bloggers. Another reason this site is useful is that it has a mass of information on what you should expect from your mental health professionals and information about different disorders and treatments.
Time to Change is another useful site to take a gander at. http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/ is a campaign to end the stigma surrounding mental health problems. They do a lot of good work and offer opportunities if you wish to get involved. They again have a blog so keep your eyes peeled for that.
This is a blog related to issues in mental health and my personal views on them as well as my own personal battles. My aim is to bring attention to some of the issues that are taking place in the world of mental health.
I am based in the UK and so most of my posts will be on issues and events here. If you are from abroad and looking at this then I hope you can gain something from my experiences.
So a bit of background about me. I’m currently diagnosed with Recurrent Depressive Disorder and Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (formerly Borderline Personality Disorder). These are the latest diagnoses of a long list I have been labelled with over the years. I am a self harmer and have been since a teenager.
I will try to be honest and factual with this blog and I may refer to other sites in order to get my information. I also intend to be very trigger aware and I hope that if you wish to leave a comment you will be too.
I will post some blog entries that have been published by other organisation and if this is the case I will refer to this in the title.
I hope you find this blog fresh and useful. Feel free to get in touch if you have any questions.