Category Archives: Self Help

Covid Christmas

Christmas has come around again and this year is going to be different. A lot of people may be separated from those they normally spend this time of year with. This may be a blessing for some but awful for others who may feel lonely. The pressure of Christmas to be good is still there too.

This post is just going to be some things that may be useful to know about and some other things to maybe consider. A lot will be UK based as that’s where I am but if you have something you wish to add feel free to use the comments so others can see it.

The first think I’m going to share is a hash tag on twitter, to help those who are feeling lonely or struggling with Christmas. It was set up by the wonderful comedian Sarah Millican a few years ago and has been very popular. The hash tag is #joinin. Everyone is able to connect via the hash tag and hopefully reach out to each other. As it’s on Twitter you can use it from anywhere in the world.

For a lot of people money has been tight this year with lack of work or losing jobs. If you’re struggling don’t feel you have to give a gift. And if you want to don’t worry about going expensive. Gifts, if able to be given, should not be about reciprocity. I give because I want to make people happy, not to receive something in return. I’m sure whoever it is you want to gift something too would rather you were able to manage to live than give them something and struggle. If they wouldn’t then they don’t deserve a gift (I know this is different and harder with children and I apologise for not having suggestions for this). Also if you want to give why not spread it out so they get a surprise in January?

In the UK if you need someone to talk to you can contact the Samaritans on 116 123. They are available at any time though lines may be busy. This doesn’t mean they won’t talk to you so please hang on. I know people who have found them very useful to talk to. There are crisis lines available in most countries and you can find some of these via the menu on here.

If you don’t feel safe mixing with other people during this time then remember you are allowed to say you don’t want to. If it helps to make an excuse then that’s fine. You have no reason to feel guilty for putting yourself first. You are important. I know this is easier said than done, I really do, but it’s not selfish to put yourself first.

Self care can go by the wayside sometimes during busy periods but this is when it is most needed. If you can, try and do one bit of self care each day. It doesn’t have to be huge and may be something you’re already doing. Taking note of it will show yourself that you are worth looking after. It can be as simple as having a shower (which isn’t always simple I know) or having some water. You are worthy of being looked after.

For those who have an eating disorder, Christmas can create all number of challenges. I’m no expert on this but in the UK the charity Beat will be available for support everyday from 4pm to 9pm. There is also information on their website about things to consider at Christmas and their support services.

These are just a few things that may help. As I said at the top of the post if you have a useful resource then please add it to the comments or you can share with me via Twitter, Facebook or Instagram and I will try and get it shared. This means if you’re looking for something I haven’t shared it may be worth checking the comments or one of these places.

Please take care of yourselves this Christmas. You are all important and awesome. Be kind ๐Ÿ’š

Poinsettia Drawing by myself. There is a meaning to this flower. For more information look here.

My Mental Health Survival Kit

We all have things that impact our mental health, whether these be good or bad. I’ve been thinking about all the things that help me get through when my mental health isn’t great or just day to day and I thought I’d share them in case there was something you may like to try, to add to your own mental health survival kit. I have not included pets and people in this list but it goes without saying they are definitely something that helps me.

Music

Music is a big part of my life. It’s great for all kinds of situations and I find great meaning in the lyrics. It also allows me to block out the voice I hear at times. I can also use it when I’m feeling anxious in a public place, especially if it’s noisy. Some of my favourites are Simple Plan, Linkin Park, George Ezra, Panic! At The Disco and Busted.

Earphones

Leading on from music is earphones. Obviously I use them to listen to music but I’ve also been known to put them in to block the outside world out with no music playing. They also can make people not talk to you so when I am feeling overwhelmed they are useful.

Reading/Books

Reading is my escape. I love it. I read a huge variety of books, both fiction and non-fiction. I enjoy learning new things as well which reading helps with. I particularly love books as they just feel good to hold. I have a kindle but haven’t used it in a while, though its useful to reread Harry Potter. It isn’t always easy to concentrate though which frustrates me.

Harry Potter

Harry Potter is a big part of my life. I love the books and the films. I’m a proud Hufflepuff. The world is an escape to me. I know it so well that it is comforting. It was also there for me as I grew up and made me feel less isolated. Its something I can talk to people about and makes me feel connected to them.

American Sitcoms

These are my go to when I feel bad but can’t concentrate for long. I say American sitcoms as I just find them better than others. My favourites are The Big Bang Theory, Friends, Speechless, How I Met Your Mother and Young Sheldon. They also tend to only be about 20 minutes which is perfect concentration time. Also I tend to watch them over and over so I know most of what to expect so I don’t have to concentrate too hard. Another reason I like rewatching them is that programmes obviously make us feel emotions. When I see programmes I feel the emotions incredibly intensely and I can’t bear the feelings they create. With sitcoms this is reduced as its normally positive emotions, plus if I’ve seen them already I don’t tend to get the extreme reaction.

Stand Up Comedy

Another coping strategy is to watch stand up comedy. It’s generally light and doesn’t cause the extreme emotions. I tend to be able to enjoy it, not all the time but mostly. I have a love for British comedians with Jon Richardson, Josh Widdecombe, Joe Lycett, Adam Hills and Nina Conti being my favourites.

Fidget Toys

I have a couple of fidget toys that I use out and about when I am anxious. I’ve always needed to fidget since I was small. I used to use bits of blu tac a lot to fidget with, making little animals out of it. I’ve also used lego minifigures in the past. Now I’ve invested in a couple of fidget toys. Not only is it good to move the pieces, I also find comfort in feeling the smooth textures. I’m quite a tactile person in this sense. They are well worth the investment.

Writing

Writing is my outlet. If I can do it then it helps me get things out of my head. It’s not always easy though and I do have to judge whether I’m in the right place to do it. I was always told I was no good at writing when I was younger. My ideas were said to be good but my construction of sentences was classed as poor as I tended to miss words out because my brain worked faster than my hand. I’ve kind of conquered this though and, while I still have doubts, I feel good that I can write and prove people wrong.

My Phone

Yes I know its modern and people will say its sad that I feel I need it but I would be lost without it. It allows me to stay connected even when I physically can’t connect. It is my camera for another hobby I enjoy, photography. It has my photo album so I can reflect on good times. I write my blog on it. It also has a game on it that helps me distract when things are bad. It has all these functions that help me. Obviously there are times when it is not great being so connected but the good outweighs this for me.

Maths

Sounds strange I know but there is something about the logical reasoning of maths that is comforting. I love immersing myself in maths problems. It’s been a major coping strategy for me since I was small. My grandad used to set me maths problems for fun and I loved it. At one point I did my 3 times table as far as I possibly could in an exercise book when I felt overwhelmed. More recently I’ve moved on to the Fibonacci sequence. I love algebra the most.

Memes

I love memes. They make me smile. They are relateable. They are fun. I can get lost looking through memes. For this Tumblr is great. Also Facebook can be good too. I see more memes on my Facebook news feed than I do what my friends are doing. And actually that’s OK.

Talc

This may be an odd one but I love the smell of talc (not so keen on the feel). It’s a smell I find really comforting. If I’m really stressed smelling talc calms me down. It can also help me sleep better when I’m upset.

Art

This is a fairly new addition and is something I feel has become part of my every day routine. I’m trying hard to work on not being a perfectionist but it is difficult and there are times it frustrates me. But it has also led to praise and I’m finding this something I am starting to allow myself to be praised for. (If you’d like to see more of my art you can find it on Facebook or Instagram).

So those are just a few things in my mental health survival kit. You may have your own things that work for you. Feel free to share in the comments or on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Losing People

Today has been tough. Several people have left my life to an extent. It might seem irrelevant to the loss others are feeling in these times but these have led to my mood dropping.

At the moment I wouldn’t really be seeing these people but they were people I was looking forward to seeing after this current crisis was over and today those hopes seem to of been crushed. The feeling of loss is overwhelming. I know this is intensified by the symptoms of my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), where a fear of abandonment is strong and emotions are intense.

Hearing the news about these different people had an immediate effect on me mentally and physically. I felt sick to my stomach and my temperature rose. My chest felt tight. My mind started to race and try to work out what I could do with this situation. Could I rectify it? Could I stop the loss? What had I done wrong? Was this all my fault? Would it be better if I was dead? Yep suicide came up. Welcome to my mind.

Pulling myself back is easier these days than it used to be. Making myself take a step back is important. I have to make myself take another look at the situation and all the facts (DBT: check the facts). In this instance it is not my fault. It is the life situation of one person and it impacts on many. I’m not alone. I can make new links. I do not need to die.

The thing is I tell myself all this. But there is doubt still there. I still feel bereft. It seems ridiculous. These are not close relations. But it feels like I’ve lost everything. And it scares me for losing someone in my immediate family or close friends and how that will go. And this is where my brain spirals again and becomes overwhelmed. The physical symptoms reoccur. And I have to go back again. And again. And again. It’s exhausting.

I have no answer for how to deal with other than to keep check of the facts and what you can realistically do. If you have any more tips feel free to share in the comments or on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Grounding Techniques

Anxiety can be high when things are different or there is a major event that is hurting many going on. Therefore I thought I’d put some grounding techniques together. They can also be useful for people dissociating.

5,4,3,2,1

This technique gets you to focus on your senses. First think of five things they can see. Then four things you can touch. Three things you can hear. Two things you can smell. One thing you can taste. Try and focus on each fully.

Alphabet Lists

For this one it is useful to have pen and paper but not essential. The idea is to choose a topic, for example animals, and find one whose name begins with each letter of the alphabet. This can give you a new focus especially with the more difficult letters.

Item Focus

Choose an interesting item. It is good if it can fit in your hand but not essential. Focus fully on the item, describing it to yourself. You can do this in your mind, out loud or writing it down, whatever suits you. Focus on how it looks and feels. What do you notice about it? Does it change colour in the light? Is it smooth or rough? Are the edges straight?

Drawing Around Your Foot

This might sound a bit odd but try to imagine drawing around your foot. Think how you’d move your pencil around each part. How would it feel if the pencil touched your foot? What would it look like when it was done? What shapes to your foot had you not noticed before?

Listen To Music

This isn’t about the piece of music you choose. Listen to the music fully. If it has lyrics focus fully on what they are. Listen to see what different instruments are being used. Does it get louder or quieter in different places?

These are just a few grounding techniques I have learnt from various people and places. Not all of these may be helpful to you. It’s about finding what works for you. I hope there is something useful for you there. If you have other techniques feel free to share in the comments or on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Jokes And Memes To Get You Through

Yes I am going to inflict my sense of humour on you all. Sometimes we need to laugh. In Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) there is a skill called Opposite Action where we do something to make us feel the opposite feeling. So I thought I’d produce some humorous (in my opinion) content to help. Good luck to you all reading this.

Jokes

Bare with me. I find them funny.

How do you make Pikachu get on a bus? Pokemon

Who designed King Arthur’s round table? Sir Cumference

What do you call a pig who does Karate? A pork chop

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear

What do you call an acid with attitude? A-Mean-O acid (ammino acid, yes its a science joke, it may not be the last)

What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite

How much room is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They just don’t have the guts

What time do ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn

What do you call a bee that comes from America? A USB

Do you want to hear a bad cat joke? Just Kitten

What kind of music scares balloons? Pop music

Memes and things

Puns

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I used to think I was indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost the case.

Velcro – what a rip off.

She had a photographic memory but she never developed it.

I’m a natural sleeper. I can do it with my eyes closed.

I lost my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about it.

I bought a boat because it was for sail.

Feel free to share any of your own jokes in the comments or on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Keeping Busy At Home

Being trapped at home for whatever reason can take its toll on us mentally. Sometimes we need to think of things we can do in the house or garden that will help us mentally. It may not be specific to our mental health but something that will distract us from what’s keeping us at home. Here are a few ideas of mine. I will try to make a mix of things and include things that are cheap or free. Hope it helps some of you.

Self Care

1. A bath

A bath can help relax us. If we have some nice smelly stuff to put in it, all the better. Make the bathroom a relaxing room. You’re worth it.

2. Sit in the sun โ˜€

Yep, it may be a fleeting visit by the sun but getting the feel of it on your face will hopefully help. Even if you just sit on the doorstep for a few moments. Some kind of fresh air should be helpful.

3. Mindfulness

I know it’s a huge buzzword at the moment but it can help. And it doesn’t have to be all about the breathing or sitting quietly. It’s about being in the moment and concentrating on what you’re doing. Take those moments for yourself.

4. Some kind of exercise

I know it may be the last thing you want to do but getting our bodies moving, if we can, can help us feel better by releasing endorphins. It doesn’t need to be strenuous. Do what you feel capable of doing and that’s enjoyable.

5. Contact someone

Keep talking, messaging, whatsapping or whatever it is the youngsters are doing these days (yep being 30 I’m no longer cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž). It’s isolating enough being stuck at home so help each other by keeping in contact. There are also professional services you can contact too.

Distractions

1. Drawing

This has become my new past time. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Just doodle if it helps.

2. Pick up an old past time

If there’s something you used to do that you’ve lost touch with why not restart it. Mine has been drawing. And I have a few others I’m going to try.

3. Lego

I’m a huge advocate of the power of Lego. It’s something I love. It’s not just for the children. Enjoy!

4. Make something

Big or small. Creating can be cool. It doesn’t have to be art. I’ve seen instructions for making a cardboard dome which looks awesome. Click here for the dome! I also put together something I’ve been meaning to do for over a year.

5. Watch a film or favourite TV show

Something less taxing and maybe more relaxing. It can be a real distraction. A Netflix binge is totally appropriate too. Go for it.

Other stuff

1. Music

Listen or make. Just go for it. I’m sure your neighbours will appreciate it ๐Ÿ˜œ.

2. Do a job you’ve been meaning to do

It seems a good time to catch up on those jobs that we mean to do but are always to busy to do. Or don’t. No pressure.

3. Write some letters

Let people know they’re thought of. Or write letters to yourself.

4. Start your own blog, YouTube channel or website

Take a dive into the world of the Internet. Show people what you like. Create content for others to enjoy. Do you!

I am sure you have many more ideas than I do but I hope there is something that you can do. It’s a tough time being stuck inside. But you are tough to. Feel free to share ideas and connect in the comments or on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Picture from Pinterest

Christmas Care

As the festive season is now upon us I decided to ask a few people what would help them with their mental health during this period. Here are some of the responses.

@JamesConlon_

@pjshaw192

@YvetteCaster

@eperry27

@sarahsazzlechop

@_divine1_

Self Care

A common theme mentioned by those I asked is self care. I couldn’t agree more. Looking after yourself is important. You are important. It’s OK to do things for you. You are worth looking after.

@Mike_Douglas_

@anxiousosaurus

@georgie_lloyd

@GumOnMyShoeBook

@BeyondTheBorde3

Take Time Out

If you’re struggling, as said above, it’s OK to take some time away from the people you are spending time with. Even if it’s just five minutes in the toilet to take a breather. If you can have a space you can go to away from people to allow yourself a few moments.

@Addict2L

Use your skills

If you’ve done therapy and learnt skills to help yourself. This is the time of year to use them.

@pigletish

Say No

It’s hard but saying no can be so important. Boundaries are important and at this time of year its easy to feel like we have to say yes to everything or we spoil the fun. But that’s just not true and if saying no helps us stay well then we should do this.

@BpdBryan

Money Isn’t Everything

There is a lot of pressure at this time of year to spend a lot of money on presents and going out. However if we don’t have the money we can feel stressed and even put ourselves into debt trying to please people. The thing is people value other things more than presents. They would rather you were well than stressing and making yourself ill over spending money on them. Money doesn’t prove you care. Showing love does.

@CaraLisette

@KatieConibear

@aimes_wilson

@Idaisrecovering

Don’t put pressure on you

This time of year is for you as well as others. If you can’t manage something that’s OK. You need to look after you and others would prefer you to be well than struggling.

@_NatashaDevon

@hannahrainey_

Keep planning

Over the holidays it can be tempting to just give up doing everything. While it’s OK to take a break, it can also be important to make plans so that we keep going and don’t get dragged into sitting in our heads.

@RichBiscuit21

Be open

It’s OK to tell people you’re struggling at this time of year. If you need support it’s OK to ask for it. Don’t be afraid to be open with others.

@EleanorSegall

@insideliamshead

Be with others

For some people being on their own is the biggest problem so if this affects you then make plans to spend time with people.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this post. If you have any tips or things that help you with your mental health during the festive period then feel free to share in the comments or on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Picture from Pinterest

If You’re Feeling Suicidal, This Is For You

If you’re reading this you are probably in a really difficult place. It’s one of the hardest feelings to deal with, but I have hope for you because you are reading this (don’t worry I’m not saying I can solve all your problems in a blog post, I know that’s unrealistic).

Great, you’re still reading, thank you. I know with how your feeling it can be hard to hear that things will improve. At the moment it probably feels impossible that anything can change. The world feels overwhelming. It feels like the only option is to end your life. But you are worth more. You are worth love and support.

I know you may not believe me and I understand that. I’ve been there. I still go there at times. But I believe you have value. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be writing this. There is someone who would be lost without you.

Still reading? Awesome. Now let’s think about some things you might be able to do to help yourself in the immediate future. If you can try and do one of these things it might help put some distance between yourself and your thoughts:

Talk to someone: This is a huge step I know but it could be the most important thing you could do. It doesnt even have to be about how you are feeling, it could be about a TV show or anything that will help you distract for the time being. Of course if you can say how you’re feeling that would be great but I know it’s a big step. It doesn’t even have to be someone you know, you could call one of the crisis lines here.

Take a walk: Sometimes putting some distance between ourselves and where we are staying can be a good thing. If you feel you can keep yourself safe then a walk may help you to feel a bit better. If you can let someone know you’re going that can help you to make sure you are safe.

Do something you’re good at: There is something you are good at. It may be something creative, it may be some sport or it may just be a computer game. Whatever it is do it. It may help you to see you’re not worthless; you can achieve something.

Hopefully there is one thing there that you can do. Or you may think of something else that may help you distract from the thoughts that you are having.

If you’re still reading that’s great. You’ve achieved something just by getting this far. If I was with you I would give you a hug. I can’t take away your pain but please know someone cares; I care. It doesn’t matter that I don’t know you, I would not wish these feelings on anyone and want you to be safe. I’m sure there are others who care too.

This is where I leave you. But you are not alone. I hope I’ve helped in someway. If you want to get in contact feel free to use the comments or Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Picture from Pinterest

Come Outside

If you’re an adult of a certain age in the UK you will remember a programme called Come Outside, which had a lady going on adventures in an aeroplane with her dog Pippin (not an animation, a real woman, plane and dog!). It was prime viewing if you were off school sick. You may be wondering why I bring this up but I’ve realised something lately: being outside is good for my mental health and so I should of taken Auntie Mabel’s advice a long time ago and gone outside.

There are a number of reasons I found going outside difficult. Sometimes even my own back garden felt off limits. My anxiety around being in public places was the worst part. I found going out alone difficult and things got gradually worse until I couldn’t use public transport (my only means of transport at the time) or be alone outside the house apart from attending my medical appointments and even then I needed music to cope. The idea of going for a walk was horrifying. At one point agoraphobia was added to my diagnosis.

The thing is, with some changes that have enabled me to get outside more often, I have realised that being outside actually aids my mental health. I’m very lucky to live in a house with a back garden. Although at times it has been hard to get into it, I’m glad I managed to work through it to get out there. I now hate it when it rains as it doesn’t feel pleasant going into the garden and I can’t sit out there. I’m no gardener but I do find mowing the grass therapeutic. I put my music on and enjoy seeing the finished lawn with its lines (is it even a lawn if it doesn’t have lines?).

So what got me into the garden? The answer: Guinea Pigs. I got myself two Guinea Pigs. And due to my mum’s stance that she wasn’t having them in the house they lived in the garden (in the shed or garage in the winter). This meant I had to go outside every day to them. At first it was really tough. I’m not the greatest with dirt and it was an adjustment to dealing with it every day. But I loved my boys so much that the challenges were fighting through.

The problem was though that they didn’t get me away from home on my own. This was something that got harder and harder. Things went even further back when my Guinea Pigs passed away. Going outside got harder again. Then I started slowly in the summer trying to sit and read out in the garden. This slowly got easier, especially without the dirt aspect and having my cats sit with me helped. But again I wasn’t really leaving home alone apart from attending medical appointments and I had started to go to a group at my local Mind which had been recommended by my psychiatrist. Public transport was a definite no and walking alone was also something I didn’t feel I could do.

The biggest change for me came with another new addition to the family: a puppy. Suddenly I had a little thing that needed me to go out. To begin with it was a case of going out with someone else to walk him, but this was still progress, I was out walking. As he got older I felt more confident taking him out on my own. I didn’t feel alone as he was with me and he’d shown he was protective of me. He made my confidence grow. We also took him to puppy school. Again, to begin with, I couldn’t go on my own. It was hard coping with new people but he was my focus in the classes so that helped.

Now I walk him regularly on my own and enjoy it instead of constantly being anxious. Don’t get me wrong I still get anxious at times going out with him. Also in puppy school I now take him inside alone (my dad waits outside). I’ve also started doing some voluntary work which involves going into new situations on my own regularly. Without my puppy I couldn’t of done it. Without going outside I couldn’t of done it. Not everything is perfect. I still can’t use public transport or go to busy places alone but I’m making progress.

So what are the benefits of going outside? There are many benefits to mental health as well as physical health. These include:

  • Stress relief
  • Increased concenteation
  • Better short term memory
  • Restored mental energy
  • Sharper thinking and creativity

Getting outside makes me feel more able to deal with things and to even escape my thoughts for a while.

So even if it’s just sitting outside for 5 minutes or standing in your doorway, getting outside can help. Take slow steps to get there. Don’t over do it. And don’t punish yourself if you can’t do it straight away. For more information on going outside check out these links on the Mind website which detail different aspects on getting outside.

If you have any advice please feel free to use the comments or Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Body Image

This year’s mental health awareness week has the topic of body image. I was unsure how to cover this as I don’t have an eating disorder or body dysmorphia. However I realised I have had my own issues with my body and my mental illness has effected how I feel about myself physically.

What is body image?

“Body image is a person’s perception of the aesthetics or sexual attractiveness of their own body. It involves how a person sees themselves, compared to the standards that have been set by society.” (Wikipedia, May 2019).

My body image

Throughout my life I have been overweight. This has led to me hating my body and the way I look. It’s eaten away at my self esteem and led to me having little confidence in myself. My body image has had a negative effect on my mental health. It hasn’t been helped by the medication I’m on leading me to gain even more weight. It has become a bit of a cycle of feeling worse so increasing meds leading to increasing weight and then feeling worse again.

People have told me that they have found me attractive or that there are nice features of me. I struggle to believe it and cannot see this at all. My body image in their eyes is skewed. I think this hasn’t been helped by the trauma I’ve been through that has led to me hating my body even more. I can only see something that has been used and abused. Something that has let me down when I’ve needed it most.

Improving body image

There are some things we can do to help our body image. They are not always easy and it won’t be a quick fix.

The first thing you can do is avoid negative media. Avoid looking at diet accounts and airbrushed models. They give us a false representation of what we feel we should look like and feed into our doubts about ourselves. Instead try and look for body positivity accounts to follow. Body Positive Panda is a great account on Instagram to follow and there are many more like her.

Another thing we can do to improve our body image is to stop comparing ourselves to others. Easier said than done, I know (I am probably one of the worst offenders for this). But we should know that we are unique.

We can also improve body image by dressing in a way that makes us feel confident. This will be different for everyone. I’m most confident in a funny t-shirt and jeans. Others may prefer a suit. It’s up to you.

Practicing self care can also help with body image. Seeing ourselves as someone who is worth treating nicely and respecting our bodies will have a positive impact.

For more information on body image check out National Eating Disorders who have lots of information (you don’t need to have an eating disorder to have a problem with body image). Feel free to share your experiences and tips for better body image in the comments or on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.