Saturday Night

This is a personal piece. Please be aware that some content may be triggering. I have since reached out for help.

When everyday you wish you were dead it is hard to see a way forward. It feels like nothing is worth doing. It is like noone cares about you. All you want is to stop this thing called life.

You sit and wish you were no longer here. Noone asks how you are. And even if they do you feel it is fake. You feel isolated. What’s the point in carrying on?

This is where I’m at. I no longer want to live and feel totally alone. I’m sitting in the dark on a Saturday night and nothing is tolerable. I don’t feel able to reach out. I feel unimportant. I feel needy. I feel hopeless.

I currently have very little support from my mental health team. I’ve had two care coordinators leave in the last two months. There is no replacement, just a name of an interim person who hasn’t bothered to contact me. My psychiatrist has left and I was seen by the consultant who wasn’t bothered about listening to me. This adds to the loneliness.

I don’t want to worry anyone. I’m hiding how I feel. Everyone has their own problems. I’m not important. I’m worthless. I’m a waste of space. I don’t want to go on. I’m tired of everything. What is the point?

If you feel suicidal there is support out there. In the UK the Samaritans are available 24 hours a day. For other countries see the crisis helplines page accessible via the menu.

To connect with me feel free to use the comments or Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Picture is from Pinterest

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