Monthly Archives: February 2019

Jealousy

This is a personal piece. Please be aware some content may be triggering.

I’m currently sitting here feeling jealous and as far removed from the mental health twitter community as possible. I feel like I’m not good enough and that my voice doesn’t matter.

The thing is I hate myself for feeling this way. I’m very lucky to be in this position with my blog growing. It’s taken a lot of hard work though and I feel like maybe people don’t appreciate this. But I shouldn’t feel this way. I don’t do this for follows or awards. I keep telling myself this but sometimes a little recognition would be nice.

Jealousy though is something that bothers me a lot though. In everyday life I am jealous of others and I truly hate myself for it. I should be happy for others who are achieving and going places. For those that have houses, careers and families. Yet I have none of that. I feel I barely have any friends either.

Don’t get me wrong I am not totally alone and I love the friends I do have as they are amazing but sometimes I wish I was one of the cool kids (this may be part of the problem as I’m nearly 30 so far from a kid 😎). I wish that people took notice of what I do and said well done or celebrated me in some way. This makes me sound shallow I know but we all need reassurance and recognition that we’re doing OK.

So I’m just going to encourage you to tell people when they’re doing well or if what they’re doing matters to you. (I’m not expecting you to say nice things to me I promise). One way that people in the mental health blogging and social media world can do this is via the MH Blog Awards. If there is someone you think should be recognised you can find all the info here (again I’m not asking you to nominate me but someone you feel is worthy of recognition).

Anyway feel free to share ways you deal with jealousy in the comments or on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Picture from Pinterest

Why I Keep Self Harming

This is a personal piece. Please be aware the content may be triggering. I do not promote self harm in any way. If you are struggling with self harm please get support from a medical professional. This is just a look into the mind of someone who self harms.

Self harm has been a big part of my life for the last 16 years. That’s over half my life. I’ve been harming longer than I haven’t. People often wonder why I continue to use this as my main coping strategy. So here I thought I would share some reasons why self harm is still in my life. This is not me saying self harm is a good thing. This is me explaining why it is hard to stop. Currently I wish I could stop as I’m in agony but my mind won’t let me.

1. It’s an addiction

Now some may argue with me on this point but to me self harm is an addiction. I find myself craving the time until I can hurt myself. Sometimes it is all I can think about. And the feeling I get when I’ve done it is so satisfying to begin with. Also when you feel pain your body releases endorphins. This makes you feel better and is why you crave it more.

2. It’s a release

To me self harm feels like a release. All the pain and anger can be let out. To me this feels a safer way of getting everything out. I don’t feel like I’m hurting anyone (but myself) so it is safer for everyone. Although this probably isn’t true. My mind however convinces me it is.

3. It helps me feel in control

For me the world is a very scary place and for me to deal with it I have to feel in control. Everything has to be planned. The problem though is that people and events are unpredictable. This leaves me feeling out of control. So to gain back the control I self harm. It calms down everything in my mind. The problem is that the more I think I’m in control I’m actually more out of control. In fact the self harm is in control of me.

4. It’s dependable

Self harm is always there for me. At any time. I think I’m quite a needy person so I need something that won’t let me down or be too busy. I feel I can rely on it to help me deal with the bad thoughts and the voice I hear. I try and use other coping strategies but these fail me at times. I’m not promoting self harm here. I know it is an unhealthy coping strategy. I would never suggest someone use self harm as a coping strategy.

5. I feel I need to be punished

I have felt like a bad person for a long time, since I was a small child. A lot of this stems from things in my past. Therefore I feel I should be punished and self harm meets the criteria. Hurting myself feels the right thing to do. I know realistically that’s not the case but in my mind that’s how it works.

So that is a few reasons I’m finding stopping self harm so difficult. I want to state again that I don’t believe anyone should self harm. You deserve better than to harm. If you want more information on self harm check out the Mind website. Feel free to comment here or on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Picture from Pinterest

36.5 Days Of Self Care

As I’ve mentioned before I try and do some form of self care each day. This idea comes from The Blurt Foundation who brought us the awesome #365daysofselfcare project (You can read about my experience here). So I thought it was about time I shared some ideas of things to do that count as self care as it’s not always obvious what constitutes self care. It doesn’t have to be big gestures. It can be small as long as you’re putting you first. Self care isn’t selfish though. It helps us help others. It fuels us. So below find my 36.5 ideas (365 different ideas was beyond me, sorry).

1. Have a shower: This, supposedly, simple act can make all the difference. It makes you feel more normal.

2. Have a nap: Naps are amazing. Sometimes a nap can be just what we need.

3. Go for a walk: Getting outside is useful. It seems hard but the exercise can release endorphins.

4. Brush your teeth: This is one I struggle with but it does make me feel better.

5. Take your medication: Always a good thing. It may seem small but it’s still self care.

6. Read: If you have the concentration, taking the time out to read can be therapeutic.

7. Eat something: This is quite important. You need to be nourished to help you feel better. It doesn’t have to be massive or complicated.

8. Put clean bed sheets on the bed: This one takes a little more effort but is there anything better than clean sheets?

9. Put on clean pyjamas: This just helps you feel a bit nicer.

10. Brush your hair: Sometimes this feels the hardest thing to do but it can help us feel more human.

11. Attend medical appointments: Not always easy but it helps if we look after ourselves physically and mentally.

12. Talk to someone about how you feel: Talking is useful if we’re struggling. Or even if your not. Sharing your feelings is a good thing.

13. Wash your hair: This always makes me feel more human, especially when I really don’t feel like doing it.

14. Write: Having an outlet for what you’re feeling is always good or can be useful as a distraction.

15. Watch a movie: This can be a useful distraction. And it can make us feel better if we act opposite, for example watching a comedy when we feel sad.

16. Meet a friend: It can be useful to get out the house and meeting a friend can be a useful reason to get out. If you don’t feel like going out then maybe invite a friend over. You don’t need to talk just be together.

17. Build a pillow fort: Sometimes we need to get in contact with our inner child and what’s better than to make a pillow fort.

18. Catch up on TV: This can be a useful distraction.

19. Play with pets: Animals are an awesome way to make yourself feel better. They are really comforting I find.

20. Paint: Being creative can be a useful way to express yourself.

21. Bake: This can be soothing and you end up with something yummy to eat afterwards. Win, win.

22. Do some colouring: This can help us focus on something and get out of our heads for a while. It can be really relaxing too.

23. Play a board game: It can be nice to cut off from social media and technology for a while. A board game can allow us to do just that.

24. Listen to a podcast or music: These, again, are a good distraction and can quieten the thoughts in our heads.

25. Visit a bookshop: I love being around books. A bookshop can be a really calming place to be as its generally quiet.

26. Drink water: Keeping hydrated is important.

27. Have an early night: Sleep is also important. Having the occasional early night can help us feel better

28. Create a self soothe box: This can be useful to get ready for when you’re distressed or feel awful. It can incorporate things for each of the senses. So that could include a blanket, some nice smelling candles, your favourite treat, etc.

29. Play with Lego: I love Lego. I find it soothing to organise my Lego. But building is just as good.

30. Have a bubble bath: If you want to just lay back and enjoy the warm water then go for it.

31. Go out in the garden: If you have a garden then it’s an easy way of getting fresh air with no social contact.

32. Watch the clouds: While you’re outside, or even through the window, watch the clouds and just focus on the shapes you see.

33. Curl up with a soft toy: Soft toys can be a great way of feeling safe. It’s not childish.

34. Take photos: Focusing on the image you want to capture can be absorbing and allow you out of your mind for a while.

35. Take a break from social media: Sometimes we just need to shut off and it can be helpful to our wellbeing to take a break every once in a while.

36. Sing: You don’t need to be good but just singing can lift your mood.

36.5. Say No: This may be the hardest of the lot. It’s OK to say no to things when they are not in our best interests. It’s not selfish.

So there are a few of my ideas for self care. Feel free to share your own ideas in the comments or on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Picture from Pinterest

Time To Talk Day 2019

It’s that time of year again. Yes, today, 7th February 2019, is Time to Talk day. I must admit that I have struggled to think of what to write about for this year’s Time to Talk day so where this blog post is going I have no idea. And that is OK.

Sometimes we have difficult conversations and we don’t know how the other person is going to react to what we say. This makes us hesitant to talk about the difficult things. That’s why Time to Talk day is important. It’s an ice breaker. It helps us discuss what isn’t always an easy topic; mental health.

I still struggle to talk about my mental health. I’m hesitant to say I’m struggling to those important people in my life. In fact they are sometimes the last to know what I’ve been going through. Yet I can blog about it to lots of people I barely know.

So why is it so difficult to talk to the ones we love the most? I think it has to do with how they will react. This is something out of our control and we don’t know if they will be upset, angry or any other emotion. Because of the stigma surrounding mental health still we are on edge as to whether we will face it from those we love the most. And we know that we could end up feeling worse if they don’t react how we hope they will.

So this year I think I might just share a few pointers for those who are listening to someone share about their mental illness. I don’t know if it will be helpful but I’ll give it a go.

1. Just listen: Sometimes it is simply having someone to listen without judging or making suggestions that means the most to us. If we ask for help then yes by all means try and help but we don’t always want that.

2. Be calm: It can be hard to do but staying calm will allow us to open up more as we see you are not reacting. Going straight into panic mode can make us feel guilty for talking and stop us opening up when we really need to.

3. Find an outlet: You are as important as the person with the mental illness who is talking to you. Therefore make sure you have support too. It will make you stronger for the person who is confiding in you.

4. Don’t guilt trip us: Telling us that we are making you feel bad or causing you stress will just make us stop talking. It will play into the negative thoughts we have and make us regret opening up and may even stop us from opening up to others.

5. Don’t shut the conversation down: If you say you don’t want to hear this then you can make us feel like we shouldn’t talk. If you’re finding it difficult suggest alternatives. Make sure that they know it’s OK to talk.

So those are a few tips to help you support someone who may start a conversation about mental health. Hopefully they might be useful. If you have any more ideas feel free to share in the comments or via Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.