Its that time of year where everyone is reflecting on how great 2017 is. So I thought I would do my own refection on 2017. Please be trigger aware when reading.
The start of this year was not great. It started with an appointment where I was referred to the crisis team. This didn’t go well. They told me that my problem wasn’t the voice telling me to die but the fact I was shy. I felt let down as I was discharged from them without help. I was still suicidal and I began self harming again.
In February I managed to arrange an emergency psychiatrist appointment. This turned out to be a good move in some respects. I was referred again to the crisis team who, although they decided they weren’t the right team to help me, were more useful. They decided that I needed to have weekly support and I was assigned a care coordinator. I met my first care coordinator and was introduced to my support worker as well.
Things were still difficult but I now had someone to talk to on a weekly basis. They were able to follow things up with psychiatrists and other members of the community mental health team. This included chasing up a referral for therapy. In July I attended a psychology awareness programme. This was the first step towards getting therapy and something I have planned to write a more detailed blog post on in the future.
In July I also started blogging weekly. I decided I wanted a more regular blog schedule. My blog also turned four. I took more pride in my blog and found it a useful outlet.
At the beginning of August I attended an assessment for therapy with a psychologist. This was incredibly difficult. It took a lot out of me and my mood began to dip again after being slightly better for a few weeks. The assessment resulted in me being put on the waiting list for a group therapy. Again this is something I have planned to write about in more detail in another blog post.
I continued to see my support worker and care coordinator weekly with the occasional psychiatrist appointment thrown in but my mood continued to sink. Until I got to the point where I am now. I’m currently struggling to look to the future. I’m quite suicidal again and I feel in a worse place than where I started the year. I’ve been asking for help from all the professionals involved in my care.
So what about 2018? I don’t know what it holds. I’m due to start therapy. Hopefully things will improve. I’m not going to set any goals as I find them difficult to keep to and they stress me out. I hope though to keep reaching out to people on the blog and on Twitter. I hope you will continue to read. Thank you for sticking with me this far. I’m grateful to every one of you.