Guilt

This is a personal piece. Please be trigger aware when reading. 

Guilt is something I feel a lot of. It is an emotion that quite often threatens to overwhelm me and often makes simple acts of self care hard. It is an emotion I think is quite common in people who have a mental illness. Here my plan is to explore some of the things that lead to my guilt. 

I feel guilty for a number of reasons. One of which is that I am currently unable to work due to my mental illnesses. This is hard for me to deal with as I constantly feel like a burden to those around me. I have worked while I studied and for a few years after I qualified but now the impact of my mental health means this just isn’t an option currently. I hope it will change but I just can not support myself and the guilt is horrendous. It leads to, at times, a worsening of my mental health because I just feel so negatively about myself. Guilt has a huge impact on me.

Another reason I feel guilty is because I am currently using self harm to cope. I know how much this upsets people around me yet at the moment I can not see how I can function without it and this makes me feel incredibly guilty. I hate that I am upsetting people and letting them down. I am also a lot harder to deal with and this makes the guilty feelings sky rocket. Again I feel a burden to those around me. 

I feel guilty for the care I require from a stretched NHS. At the moment I am having input from at least three mental health professionals as well as doctors for my physical health. I feel I am a drain on resources and unworthy of care. I feel guilty to the point it physically hurts. 

All these things I feel guilty for are not my fault. Yet guilt prevails and quite often wins as the strongest emotion I feel. If anyone else said they felt guilty for these reasons I would tell them that they have no reason to feel guilty, that they are not a burden, that this is not their fault and they are worthy of care. But for me this feels impossible. 

I have no tips on how to deal with this overwhelming feeling. All I can say is that if you feel guilt for similar reasons you have no reason too. But I know this won’t always help. I have friends who tell me the same, yet still guilt overtakes me. I think this is just something I will have to learn to battle. If you have any tips on conquering guilt please share them. And remember you are not alone. 

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Guilt

  1. TheOriginalPhoenix

    You’re not a waste of resources sweetie. It’s NHS’ job to help people out. I’m wishing you the best and I hope you can get clean soon 🙂 here to listen if you need me

    Reply
  2. altspeaking

    Guilt is one thing I have struggled a lot with off and on over the years. The important thing I learned, and am going to share with you, is to remember that in that moment, that low moment, that moment where your guilt seems to take over and your rational thinking seems to fall to the wayside – in that moment you have tunnel vision, blinders, and you can’t see all the good you do and the amazing things you have to offer. Your opinions, your thoughts, they are biased, and while you can’t ‘stop’ them, try to shelf them until you are in a better mindset and seeing the whole picture before you allow yourself to pass self judgement. *hugs*

    Britt | http://alternativelyspeaking.ca/

    Reply
    1. battlinglife Post author

      Thank you for the advice. I will try my best to follow it. Its very hard when guilt blinkers you to any good that you might do. I also struggle with low self esteem so feel worthless most of the time. This makes it very difficult to be positive. But I will try. 🙂

      Reply
      1. altspeaking

        Self esteem has always been a struggle of mine too! Don’t get me wrong, in no way saying that will make it easy, but if you can wrap your head around it it will make it that one little step easier and sometimes that’s the best we can do

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s