This is a personal piece. Please be trigger aware when reading.
Reaching out to people is something I find really hard to do. And at the moment I am finding it even harder than normal as I struggle with my inner demons. This post is just some thoughts on reaching out and why I am finding it so difficult right now.
I am a very lucky person in respect of the fact that I have some really good friends who are very supportive of me when I am struggling. But at the moment I am finding it very hard to be truly honest with them about just how bad I am feeling and the fact that although I know I need their help, I am struggling to ask for and accept it.
In my head the voice that I hear has started to tell me to withdraw from those around me. It tells me that I am too needy and should not ask for help especially as I am not worth it. The voice makes it very difficult to argue that my friends want to help me as it says my friends are too nice to tell me otherwise. It has every base covered. I am stuck feeling lonely and being unable to ask my friends for support.
Reaching out is important as it stops us being lonely and gives us the support network that we need to get better. But it is also one of the hardest things to do when you are feeling particularly unwell, as is the case for me at the moment. Reaching out is something that takes a great deal of courage as you are putting yourself out there. At the moment I just do not have that courage.
I miss my friends. I am extremely lonely without them. So why can I not fight the voice and reach out despite it? The honest answer is I don’t know. I wish I had the answer as then I could work on a solution. But I am sure I will get there in time. I hope so at least.
If you are feeling lonely and unwell you might feel like reaching out is difficult also. I hope however that you are able with time to reach out to someone as you are truly worth being supported. I know it might be easy for me to say and understand that it is harder to do. But please know you are worth it. And if you know someone who is withdrawn I implore you to reach out to them and let them know its OK to reach out to you.