This is a personal piece. Please be trigger aware when reading.
This post is a post I hoped I never would have to write but I think this is an important post for me to write. As you may have guessed from the title things have not been going well for me and I have relapsed into a deep depression.
The reason I think this is an important post is because it is an honest view of how recovery works. It’s not all high flying and going forwards. There are quite often bumps in the road that tip you into a hole of despair. And that is exactly what has happened to me.
I’m no longer able to say that I am a year free from self harm. In fact I can barely say that I am a day free at the moment. But part of me is hopeful things will change and I will get there again. I hope I will be able to cope without it again.
This whole relapse has led me to seeing the crisis team for extra support which did not work out very well. I was told I wasn’t ill enough for their support which led to a further drop in my mood. But on the positive side I am going to get more support in the form of a care coordinator.
This relapse has shown me how amazing my friends are. Even when I was withdrawing from the world they were there supporting me. I am truly grateful to them for that.
This was just a short post to explain my absence from the blog and show the true nature of recovery. I might not be able to see a way forward at the moment but my friends keep telling me this is just a glitch. I hope if you are having a relapse you can see a way forward and know that this is not permanent.